Personal and narcissistic post
Hi this is me.
I posted a class schedule on FB and freaked out for a week or so about suddenly switching from Cognitive Science to Molecular Biology again. It may not have been for the best but I should take the chance anyway. Classes are killer and the ones I took last semester were supposed to weed me out, but somehow I’m back in again. Seems like some of my parents’ friends who frequent FB noticed and asked about my schedule and future in general. As well as former Berkeley student who straight up “Your schedule sucks” and new friend who said “you’re gonna die.” Time to prove them wrong, I guess, or horribly right.
Maybe I’ll confirm the research life isn’t for me, and that’s ok if I have my priorities elsewhere. I don’t have to define success by prestige. Still figuring things out like all the indecisive students. If anything, I need to leave the mindset that changing plans isn’t “giving up” or being “not good enough.” People just do different things and not everyone is made to absolutely adore doing research in a basement at 3 AM in the morning and failing to make a new discovery for the 17th time. Professors that give blunt advice still are very cool.
Realized today that my indecision sucks for clipping dog nails, driving successfully, and deciding what to major in. Hmm I’m kind of a mediocre person for that. At least college is a good way to acclimate people towards failing and dealing with the feeling of “you’re not all that” and feeling like 89% trash
Also felt hopeless about piano in the longest time which was quite scary because I was crippled today by the fact that my skills will just deteriorate from here on out. I’m not a special snowflake so leave it to the musical elitists to brag about their skills. Kind of like how kids used to claim I was good at smash but then everyone grew up and got more strategic and now my little brother kicks my butt all the time
Happy to be back in full force with the floor (they’re back!) I swear they feel like extended family that I never had and I appreciate them!
Someone I used to care about a lot is leaving for college and it strikes me as odd that I would be able to deal with it so easily. Talk to me two years ago and I would have been a complete wreck.
While I’m on break from summer school, I’m sleeping too much at home and running outside barefoot like a child because being an adult is absolutely terrifying.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m lost, and aware that there is so little a single person on this world can choose to do, but I’m not exactly ashamed. Just confused. And a little lonely but I’ll get used to that.
If you’ve gotten to the end of this post, congratulations ^__^ maybe this helped you get a better sense of what’s going on in my mind or maybe it inspired you? akay goodnight.